Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
