I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
