You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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