She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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