Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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