Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
