Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
