McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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