ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
