the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
