It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
