I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
