I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
