Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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