Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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