beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
