I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
