my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
