our cab driver is having phone sex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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