I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
