so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
