Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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