my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
third nipple confirmed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
