She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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