Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
