do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
