The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
