Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
