On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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