I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
