all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
