the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
