my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
