You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
