Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
