I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
