I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
