Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
