Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
