at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
