I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
