My friends, they love my intelligence
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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