I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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