If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
