I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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