I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
