So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
