Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
