Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
