hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
