Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
