Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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