I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
