Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
